Tear My Heart Out
by Shadow of a Black Rose
Summary: Bellatrix Lestrange's death from her daughter Ruby's point of view - Thinking of creating a wider story around this, what do you think?


**Disclaimer: **You know the drill; if you recognise it then it's not mine!

**Note: **I just happened to find this today (I wrote it a few years ago) and it has inspired me to possibly write a longer story based around it; but I'm not sure if I should or not. So, I have decided I'm going to leave it down to you lot. If you could read it and then tell me if you think I should or not I would be very grateful.

Love always,

Shadow of a Black Rose xxx

**Tear my heart out**

My eyes are shut as tightly as possible; darkness engulfing every inch of me. I'm too afraid to watch. I hear her laugh... that's a good sign... until it stops. Why did she stop? I can't hear her screaming or taunting or laughing... something's not right here. I open my right eye, just enough to see what's happened.

"NOOOOOOOOOO..."

A deafening shriek comes from somewhere near. Wait. That was ME.

My eyes are now wide, watering and glued on the one picture I never wanted to see. She's lying there: all the life drained from her body, her beautiful black eyes staring into a glassy nothingness, dark curls cushioning her head and that flame haired blood traitor standing over her.

I don't realise it but everything around me has stopped. The dancing colours that filled the room only moments ago have died out; only the soft glow of candles, suspended in the air, lights the darkened hall. Now everyone is watching me; knowing whatever comes next will neither be pleasant or good for anyone.

She slowly turns; the podgy woman who distinctly reminds me of a pig. Her eyes now filled with fear, mixed with the anger of before. She sees my tears, my flushed face that only moments ago resembled snow, my ruffled raven ringlets, my clenched fists and sharp, warning teeth surrounded by blood stained petal lips. But most of all the long, thin, dark stick clenched in my right hand; shooting burning sparks towards the cold stone floor. She stutters her apology but I don't hear it. I don't hear anything but the beating of my own heart and that melodic cackle that she silenced. My vision is clouded with blood and flames; and all I want, more than anything I've ever wanted, is to hurt her. Kill her. Take something of hers like she did to me. More than anything in the world, I want to make her pay. I raise my wand so that it is level with that Weasley woman's chest. She takes a hesitant step back, a mask of fear clearly plastered on her face. My teeth clench and my hand begins to shake uncontrollably. What's wrong with me? Why have I not killed her yet? That's what mummy would have done. That's what she was trying to do. I can feel terrified eyes glaring at me from all angles, bracing themselves for the scream that my spell will surly draw from my victim... but it never comes.

From the moment I found out the truth about my life, all I've wanted to do is protect her from all of this, the life that she's found herself trapped in. The countless times I have tried to get in the way of the Potter boy and his pathetic friends, just to keep the Dark Lord happy with our family. Every curse or jinx I have taken to stop her from being harmed. Even the countless innocents I have tortured and killed in order to save her from herself – to stop her doing the things I knew she would regret later on.

My wand clatters to the ground before me and I stamp on it with the heel of my boot, a sharp crack echoing around the silent hall as it snaps in half. What's the point? Why should I bother when the reason for my existence has been brutally ripped away from me? Gasps follow me as I blindly pass Molly Weasley, who is gaping at me with a horror stricken expression. I don't turn to acknowledge anyone or anything in my surroundings; simply following the path my mind has highlighted towards my mother's lifeless body. I drop to my knees by her side and pull her into my arms, her head resting gently on my shoulder. Burning tears stream from the corners of my eyes and gently drop onto the cold white skin of her face. I'm shaking all over and biting my lip so hard that the skin tears and begins to bleed. I hold her tightly in my arms. Maybe I'm hoping that she will wake up at any moment, I don't know, but it doesn't happen.

How can she be gone? I've only had her back in my life for a few short years; surely she can't have been taken from me again so soon. I spent so many years unaware of who I was and now, when I've just got her back into my life, she's gone again; only this time I have no hope of getting her back. This has thrown my mind into turmoil. Under normal circumstances I would never allow them to see me like this; I would never allow anyone to see me in such a mess, but why should I pretend. Why should I put on my mask of strength when I no longer have anyone to be strong for?

A cold hand closes over my shoulder and I feel someone bend down behind me. I try to ignore it; whoever they are they are not as important as the woman in my arms, but the hand squeezes my shoulder tighter and I can't fight the urge to turn and see who it is. I turn my head briefly and see the blurry outline of a blonde woman, her hair a mess and her robes torn. I don't have to see her clearly to know who she is. She's practically like a second mother to me and has been since she first told me who I truly was. My aunt, Narcissa, tries to wipe the tears from my eyes and smoothes my hair gently.

"Come on sweetheart; let's get you out of here. This isn't the appropriate place or time." She whispers gently, trailing a delicate, pale finger down my cheek.

"N...no... No, I'm not leaving her" I turn away and bury my face in mum's dark curls, trying so hard to convince myself that everything is still okay. Narcissa's hand slips from my shoulder and tries to loosen my grip on my mother's body. The sounds of the battle have re-started around us and I can feel how close the spells are getting. My aunt is obviously terrified that if we stay here much longer there will be another loss; but there is no way in hell that I'm leaving here without my mum.

"Ruby please..." aunt Cissa begs, turning my face towards her so that she can look into my eyes, "darling she's gone, there's nothing you can do now. Please, I can't lose you as well." Tears form in her icy eyes. I don't want to hurt her, but what am I supposed to do. I don't want to live with this hole that has been ripped in my heart. I look down at the motionless shadow of what once was that is lying in my arms. My tears are dotted over her skin, reflecting the sparks of light from the ends of angry wands. That's what caused all of this – anger. I smile, with no idea why I am doing so, and turn to Narcissa.

"Okay" I whisper, tears streaming from my eyes, leaving clear streaks through the blood and dirt plastered on my skin. My aunt pulls me into a tight hug, allowing her own tears to stream into my hair as she kisses the top of my head. Before I knew what was happening aunt Cissa's fingers had linked themselves with mine and I was being pulled back through the battle. I looked back at my mother's body lying alone, sprawled on the cold stone floor, and knew I had done the right thing. She wouldn't have wanted me to risk myself for her sake. That's why she had allowed me to be raised as another woman's child for most of my life; she had never wanted me to suffer for her or the causes she was fighting for. I would miss her with all my heart, but I would survive without her; I had already done so for fourteen years so why not a little longer.

The castle lay behind us now and my pain had been left with it. I still had aunt Cissa, uncle Lucius and, most importantly, my Draco. No more would I fight these meaningless battles. I simply couldn't see the point anymore. I just wanted a simple, normal life. But then again, you never do know what lies around the corner, do you?


End file.
